You speak of Karma. You speak of preplanned destiny. If you look back on your life you will see it in action. We tend to look back and see the consequences of the bad things we did, but not the good. Even the unintended good. I would like to tell you a story that will perhaps show you how I believe we are put in a place for a reason in different times of our lives.
When my ex husband and I were young we got into a bad financial situation. It wasn't the first time, nor would it be the last. We moved in with two brothers who were friends of ours. We were pretty much all rough necks. The brother that was actually our friend, Mike, was about 35 or so and we were in our late 20's. Mike had been messing around with a young girl who was about 17 and she had gotten pregnant. He tried to do the right thing and married her. As rough as he seemed, he was the one who was trying to straighten up and do right and she was the "wild thing".
My daughter was about 5 and my son was about 18 months old at the time. My husband and I had a hard enough time getting along and living with these folks didn't help. I was not happy with the situation at all. Judy, the young girl, was just that. A young girl who was married and pregnant and really wanted no part of either. Mike had never been married before or had any children, and really wanted to make this work. I felt bad for him.
I was always taught to make a home wherever I was, so I went about turning this chaotic house into a home. After all, there was a baby on the way. I cleaned and organized. I would tell Mike or his brother what I needed and they would get it. I set up a nursery in their bedroom. I cooked meals every night and for the first time, they learned to sit down to dinner as a family.
Judy went into labor about six weeks early. She delivered a three and a half pound daughter and they named her Trish. What ever disconnection I had felt before was suddenly gone. I had been induced into labor at eight months with my own daughter and she was born weighing three and a half pounds as well. The hospital sent Judy home with this baby when it weighed a mere four pounds. I was horrified. Babies are fragile enough when they are born full term and full size, but to turn a four pound baby over to a 17 year old? Well, I couldn't believe it.
My husband and I told Mike we would find some place else to stay so that they could have their space with this child and work on being a family. Mike actually cried and begged us not to leave, so we stayed. Judy came home with the attitude that she had stayed straight long enough to get this kid into the world and she was finished. She would disappear in the afternoon and stay out all night and then sleep all day while the guys were at work. I was suddenly the new mother.
Judy wanted no part of this child, but she didn't want Mike to know it because she didn't want to move back home. I fed this tiny baby, and kept her dried and clean and happy. Judy would hold her every now and then but when Trish would cry she would hand her back to me. Judy was supposed to be breast feeding but I caught her getting high so I made her stop and put Trish on formula myself. Judy would lay down with her during the day and pass out and not hear Trish when she woke up crying. She would get frustrated and angry because Trish cried so I would take her away. Judy would sneak out the door when I was busy and leave without even telling me. Of course she left Trish with me. With every passing day, I knew I needed to be there to protect this child.
We stayed there for probably a year and all the while I cared for this baby. Eventually, Mike made Judy leave and I taught Mike to do all the things that I had been doing for Trish. He became an excellent daddy. By the time we moved out I felt very comfortable leaving Mike to tend to his daughter on his own. She survived those first critical months and I will always believe it was because I was there.
The point of this story is that we never intended to have financial troubles. We never intended to live with this couple. I was not happy about being there. I was full of anger and self pity throughout the beginning. But suddenly, there was a reason it had happened. I didn't see it for what it was then, but years later as I looked back on my life and wondered why so many bad things had happened, I began to see the good things that came about because of those bad things, none of which I had planned.
Life is what we make of it, but there are definitely parts of it that are planned for us. We may not see it for what it is while it's happening, but later in life we do. I have been in so many messes that just seemed like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and doing all the wrong things, but when it was all said and done, I did something during that "episode" that helped someone else. I could tell story after story that confirms that.
I guess what I am trying to say is, don't be sad because of what you haven't accomplished or because things don't turn out like you think they should. If you look deep enough you will find that you did some awesome things along the way that you never thought about. You probably helped people that you never knew you helped. That's what you should live with every day. You are still here, so there are still things left for you to do. Embrace that and be happy.