People Are Who They Are!

Chew it up

I chewed my anger up and spit it out today like a mighty warrior. I will not be beaten down. I took my entire house apart and put it back together again. I completely changed out the rooms in my house. Everything that was in each of three bedrooms is now in a different bedroom, furniture and all. The living room is rearranged. Everything has been swept, dusted, scrubbed and cleaned. I feel good. I feel strong again. I am the mighty warrior of my own home. No one, not even my own child will come in here and turn me upside down like that. I will not wimper down and be weak. I turned my music up as loud as it would go and sang at the top of my lungs all day as I worked. I will work my lungs back in shape as well. Damn it all. I am mighty…hear me fucking roar. 

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25 responses

  1. Good for you Ladywise. Onward and upward, and all that…

    June 19, 2010 at 10:04 pm

  2. Thanks Snowy. I know everyone will surely think I'm crazy now but I really don't care. I laid around here depressed all night last night and half the day today and finally said "What in the hell am I doing. I will not be beat down like this." Maybe tackling the house is not so mighty, but it was a strong move, a move I needed to make. Tomorrow I will be back out in the yard working and Monday I will be back to work. Depression can be overcome. Maybe I can't beat her drug addiction, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let it beat me. Thanks for hanging in there with me without judgment.

    June 19, 2010 at 10:48 pm

  3. [c’est top]

    June 19, 2010 at 11:09 pm

  4. Thank you Apolline. Forgive my language but yes, I feel better. I am a fighter.

    June 19, 2010 at 11:15 pm

  5. That is wonderful and you are quite an inspiration! What a strong woman you are. I am amazed you could do all that when recovering from pneumonia. Wow. It does not sound like you are the limp dishrag that I was after I had pneumonia. That is very good. How on earth did you change the whole house around by yourself? I find that utterly impossible to imagine. You go, girl!!

    June 20, 2010 at 12:03 am

  6. LMAO! Someone else on the other side of the planet using cleaning and rearranging as therapy. It's incredible cleansing isn't it?! Good for you!!I hope for you that your garden work will give you even more relief!

    June 20, 2010 at 3:48 am

  7. I have always done that Irony. The more upset I get the cleaner everything gets. It works. I feel much better this morning. My house looks great. I am breathing better because my lungs got a good workout. Yes, it is excellent therapy. You'll have to try adding the singing part in. It replaces the "yelling" you would like to do. The more intense the song and the louder you sing it, the better the therapeutic value. lmao. I did a LOT of singing yesterday too.

    June 20, 2010 at 7:21 am

  8. Well, I started out like a limp dishrag yesterday Freedom, that's why I kicked myself in the ass and got up and got started. Irony was saying she uses cleaning as therapy too. My mother always did it and made us do it. If you got mad or upset she found you something to do to get that frustration out. Plus I was in the military. It's amazing at the amount of housework you can get done when you are upset. And you have to move stuff. lol That's the best part. That's where you use the most bruteness and exert the most strength. If I had a gym to work out in I wouldn't need to do all that, but then my house would be messy so this works out real good. I feel wonderful this morning. I really do. I woke up and looked around and the sun is coming through the window in my "new" bedroom, it's nice and cool in there, the house is spotless, my body has been worked out good and I can breathe! I'm not letting my daughter or son get to me again. Melissa called yesterday like nothing had happened. "Hey mom, how are you feeling." I hung up on her. That's what set me off. She can come over here, steal from me, turn me inside out and get up the next morning like nothing happened. Not happening with me anymore. I may be outside scrubbing the trees with toothbrushes, but I will not lay down. I hear the birds calling outside. The grass needs cutting and they know it. lol

    June 20, 2010 at 7:38 am

  9. Wow…..good for you. Being productive always helps me to feel better.

    June 20, 2010 at 9:08 am

  10. You are an amazingly strong woman, Ladywise!

    June 20, 2010 at 1:56 pm

  11. Yay for doing what's necessary. It's not always clear until we sink our teeth in, right?

    June 20, 2010 at 2:17 pm

  12. Those poor goats next door had to listen to you sing?LOL

    June 20, 2010 at 3:03 pm

  13. Yes, it felt really good. Thanks LBreeze.

    June 20, 2010 at 3:25 pm

  14. Yes, sinking the teeth in is definitely the thing to do. My mother taught me that. She never let us sit idol. She always said, "An idol mind is the devils workshop." I believe that to this day.

    June 20, 2010 at 3:26 pm

  15. A really good laugh GOM! Just what the doctor ordered! The poor goats probably need a doctor today. lol

    June 20, 2010 at 3:27 pm

  16. ROAR!!! You go grrrrrl.

    June 20, 2010 at 4:59 pm

  17. Jan

    I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through but so IMPRESSED at how you handled it! I don't know where you got the energy to move all that stuff around, but more POWER to you, Lady!

    June 20, 2010 at 5:43 pm

  18. Thanks Kimmers. We're survivors remember? Sometimes you have to take a deep breath in and let out a mighty roar. It's that or crumble.

    June 20, 2010 at 8:26 pm

  19. Adrenaline. Pure unadulterated adrenaline. The anger and the hurt and the frustration pumps up the adrenaline. I had to exert it. Thanks. I wish I could say it was over, but it's no where near over.

    June 20, 2010 at 8:29 pm

  20. Hey do you make house calls…I could use you here!

    June 21, 2010 at 12:15 am

  21. If stuff like this keeps going on here, I'm going to be making house calls to all my friends on Vox to get away. I'll clean for my keep! lol

    June 21, 2010 at 7:29 am

  22. Hello..Guess you did the right are the matriarch..good..Peace Tony

    June 21, 2010 at 7:30 am

  23. I cry one minute and jump up and do something the next. I have fought with depression myself and I know how to battle it. It definitely isn't easy and this is definitely not over. I can sense her even though she's 100 miles away and I know something is brewing. She won't just let this go. She will do something to get my attention and it won't be to get clean and sober. I know this is just the calm before the storm and I am building my strength because I know it's coming.

    June 21, 2010 at 8:15 am

  24. Hello..In reading your reply..Carmela said..'a good mother'..'seems to have a handle on it'..I say..your love is what you feel..your concern is who you are..if she comes to you with something that is unacceptable in your home..when done by cuts a lot deeper from one loved so..she knows who you know your daughter..
    I believe confusion is the work of quote a line used in a movie..'The Usual Suspects'..'the greatest trick the devil every pulled off is convincing people he did not exist'..
    when I have something hard I defer to my grandmother..'nana' and the matriarch of the family..I hear her saying..'One thing at a time thing at a time'..
    Peace Tony

    June 21, 2010 at 8:30 am

  25. Thank you Tony, and thank Carmella for me. I appreciate that she has been keeping up too. Your grandmother sounds like a smart woman. She's right. One thing at a time. That's all we can deal with sensibly.

    June 21, 2010 at 8:38 am

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