People Are Who They Are!

“I Will Not Tell Lies”

So, I’ve kind of caught Felicia in these little white lies or thought she was being sneaky several times but haven’t really been able to nail it down for sure until this morning. I know the incidences are coming from having done without so much for so long, and I understand the need to do it on her part, but we’ve already had several serious conversations about telling lies. I have made it clear that it will not be tolerated.

She loves to take her lunch instead of eating school lunches. That’s fine with me because I can monitor what she has that way and know that she has a good healthy meal of stuff she likes. She has eaten like there’s no tomorrow since she got here and that’s fine, to a degree, but I don’t want her to over eat and make herself sick or become obese either. Ms. Donna has been sending tons of junk food down here, being nice, but killing me by having too much junk food in the house. I have told the kids it’s all right to have one piece of candy or something here and there but they are not allowed to sit and eat it by the handfuls.

I noticed the baskets were going down quick but haven’t actually seen them eating stuff. So this morning I noticed that the one big chocolate honey bun (uggg) that was in the basket was gone. Felicia and I make her lunch at night, so I asked her did she eat it for breakfast before I got up. “No ma’am.” I asked “Where is it then, did you put it in your lunch bag?” “Yes ma’am.” I was going to let that go but then I asked, “What else did you put in there?” She went white.

“Bring me the lunch bag please.” There was the chocolate honey bun, two Kit Kat bars and seven suckers added to the lunch for today. She did this while I was in the bathroom. So now I have to be mean and punish her. I do not want to do this part of being “mommy” again. I really don’t. It kills me, and especially with this child because she gets so pitiful when things don’t go well. I said, “Felicia, I have talked to you very nicely about telling me stories. You have no reason to be sneaky because you have everything you need and pretty much everything you want here. You had a good lunch already made and then you added all of this stuff without permission and you were sneaking to do it. Not telling me stuff is the same thing as telling lies and I’ve warned you several times about it. So you will not go to Ms. Donna’s house this afternoon.”

Oh my Lord. The lips began to tremble and the eyes welled up and the tears began to fall like rain. It was not a good way to start my day. I know I have to do things like this, but I do not like it. This evening I will have her in her room alone, writing sentences that say “I will not tell lies” during the time she would have been at Ms. Donna’s house. I don’t want to punish these kids but I know lessons have to be learned.

She some how missed being taught to write in cursive handwriting, probably during the time that she was being moved around to seven different schools. So we’ve been working on learning it at home and she is doing really good with it. The upside to this will be that she will practice her cursive handwriting and will know some of the letters really well after tonight, the ones that are in “I will not tell lies.” UGGGGGGGGG

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30 responses

  1. UGGGG along with you, Lw. BUT…and this is so important….it’s this painful part of parenting that so many “parents” just avoid because it IS painful…then the kids don’t learn the lessons they need to learn to live a good life.

    So, you are doing what you have to do and taking on the difficult jobs because you are responsible and you want these kids to “make it”.

    Best of luck with all of it!

    November 5, 2010 at 9:11 am

    • Exactly. Doing the right thing is never easy, but it still needs to be done.

      November 5, 2010 at 1:03 pm

      • Yes, I agree. I knew I had to do it. I spent the first few weeks observing to see where the problems were and I know now what I’m dealing with so, I don’t want to do it, but yes, I know I have to.

        I would just rather be the doting loving grandmother that I’m supposed to be able to be instead.

        November 5, 2010 at 11:40 pm

  2. Thanks Lauri. She is so pitiful about stuff and it was SO hard to watch those big old tears flow.

    November 5, 2010 at 9:48 am

  3. Kudos for doing right by the child. Parents today are so permissive, and absent most of the time. Keep training her up, she’ll make you proud.

    November 5, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    • Thanks TB. I agree with you. Most of their problems come exactly from that, absenteeism and permissiveness.

      November 5, 2010 at 11:41 pm

  4. Sounds like you did awesome, as the others have confirmed.

    Any stray thoughts of “I wish I could do the traditional role of a grandparent, and spoil ’em rotten”?

    By the way– I just noticed your layout. Looks snappy!

    November 5, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    • Oh yes Jak. That’s MY problem. I don’t want to punish them. I just want to hug them up close all day and tell them everything will be alright. I want to sit in the rocking chair with them like I did when they were little and soothe everything away. But I can’t do that.

      Thanks. I’m glad you like the layout. I like it too.

      November 5, 2010 at 11:43 pm

  5. Kids need direction and discipline. It’s a part of good parenting. There’s no reason to feel badly imparting it.

    November 5, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    • I know, but like I said above, I’d rather be the grandmother. I’m making myself do it, I just don’t want to.

      November 5, 2010 at 11:44 pm

  6. I love your new layout.

    Yep, she might be upset about it now, but it’s going to shape her in ways that will make her life better in the future.

    November 5, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    • Thanks LOM. I like it too.

      I think I’m more upset in the long run than she is. She knew she was wrong. She’s a smart girl.

      November 5, 2010 at 11:46 pm

  7. bless your heart dear, why is the right way always the hardest…. sigh. I wished I had someone look after me when I was a kid XO.

    November 5, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    • Thanks Lav. I’ve asked that same question many times! 🙂

      November 5, 2010 at 11:47 pm

  8. Even when the discipline hurts children know when they’re truly loved.

    I heard a segment on NPR about grade schools NOT putting much emphasis on teaching children cursive writing. Mostly because our society spends so much time writing with keyboards. I can’t but think the children are missing out on something there.

    November 6, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    • Well, this child actually likes it and is doing really well just learning it at home. She’s very artistic and so has enjoyed doing it. I agree that it is becoming a lost art and I don’t want these kids at least to grow up without it. I always learned by writing things and I am teaching her to learn that way so writing in cursive is a must in that case, otherwise she would be there forever.

      November 6, 2010 at 2:30 pm

  9. Ugh. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be. Sounds like you’re doing the right thing, though!

    November 6, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    • Thanks Kim. Yes, there are a lot of aspects to this that have been difficult, trust me. I get angry that I’m having to do it, but enjoying it all at the same time.

      November 6, 2010 at 2:31 pm

  10. BTW, my cursive handwriting was always atrocious, and as soon as I could, I’ve been a printer ever since. It’s never been an issue.

    November 6, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    • Oh, I always enjoyed it and was a perfectionist at it so I had a nice handwriting. She’s already got a pretty handwriting with it, so I’m sure she will pick it up fast.

      November 6, 2010 at 2:32 pm

  11. Emmy

    Oh heck, my Grandma was more strict than my Mom, and although I acted like I hated it, I always wondered, why doesn’t my Mom care enough to expect stuff from me? It’s funny too, I was just saying on another blog, as a working teenager I found I got into way more trouble when I lied to my boss than when I just walked up to him / her and said, look, I made a mistake and I have to discuss it with you.

    November 6, 2010 at 2:09 pm

  12. Oh I so agree Emmy. It’s so much easier to tell the truth. She has always felt the need to lie because she got screamed at and whipped. I’ve explained to her that none of that is going to happen here. I expect them to make mistakes, but telling lies is intentional and that will get her punished. However my punishments are not anything to be afraid of.

    November 6, 2010 at 2:35 pm

  13. Yes it isn’t easy raising children but you are doing the right thing and it will get easier as time passes and the girls are more secure.

    November 6, 2010 at 7:56 pm

  14. God I hope so. lol

    November 7, 2010 at 2:38 am

  15. I think kids need boundaries – things go better when they know where the lines are drawn. I’m so glad my kids are past the teenage years – they can be tough years.

    November 7, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    • Yes they can and we’re just at preteen. Scary! lol

      November 8, 2010 at 9:21 am

  16. It might feel mean but you are doing the right thing in tackling this and she’ll thank you int he long run. It was inevitably really that one or both of the girls were goign to display some disturbed traits, given what they’ve been through but I’m sure that once they settle down and things remain steady for a period of time it’ll sort itself out. Good luck, I hope it’s all going ok…

    November 8, 2010 at 4:31 am

  17. Thanks Vicola. Yes I was expecting to see some bad traits come out too. I’ve spent these first few weeks just kind of observing and I saw this in her and I know it’s just a defense mechanism. I am working to convince her that there is no reason to lie to me in the first place. I’m not going to hurt her. She just doesn’t completely trust me yet and I know that it’s going to take time to get her to that point. It really is going good. We’ve just had some minor bumps and this was one of them.

    November 8, 2010 at 9:24 am

  18. Freedom Smith

    That is the hardest part of parenting! I think it would be a good idea if your neighbor not send the sweets over in the first place. Too much temptation. But, having said that, you handled the situation the only way you could.

    I have one child that does the white lie thing and I find it terribly difficult. No matter what we do, she does not seem to get it. But, I know that your granddaughter has picked up some of this from the bad situations she was in before. It may take more than once but hopefully she will learn a good lesson here.

    November 8, 2010 at 9:54 pm

  19. I ‘ve told son over and over, one of the easiest things in life to lose is your reputation and people’s trust, and both are most difficult to regain.

    November 9, 2010 at 5:41 am

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