A Major Ordeal
Ok, I know I tend to have major ordeals in my life and you probably get tired of hearing about them. However, I have to share this one with you. Both of the girls are beautiful and having started new schools, one thing they have both had to deal with are jealousy issues from other girls in their schools. I understand this and have been helping them to try and work through these issues.
This week, Hailey had a pretty major jealousy issue to deal with, girl boy stuff, and we worked through it. I won’t go into it. Yesterday, expecting a possible call about Hailey’s issue, I checked the voice messages after being outside for a bit, and instead found a call from Felicia’s school. What ensued was definitely not expected.
Felicia is bad to tattle on other children in her class. According to her, the teacher has told them to do this, something I highly doubt and will deal with on Monday one way or the other. Apparently, she tattled on three little girls who were cheating in some fashion on their work. They knew she tattled and according to her, threatened to kill her. She was so upset, she told a friend that she was going to kill herself. Luckily, that little girl went to the teacher and told her what Felicia said and Felicia was immediately brought to the office and sat down with the counselor.
Now, the counselor there is great. I have talked with her at great length and explained everything that these children had been through before I got them, so she was very familiar with Felicia. She talked to her about the situation at hand and then had her sign a “No Suicide Contract”. Have you ever heard of such? I mean we are dealing with an eleven year old to begin with. The counselor is to follow up this morning (on a Saturday) and make sure she is alright.
I can’t tell you how upset I was all day yesterday. First of all, this deals with the issue of telling on other kids in the first place. I’m torn because I want to tell Felicia that what everyone else does is not her business and it is not her place to keep everyone else in line. However, if the other little girl had not told anyone what Felicia said, maybe she may have seriously contemplated suicide and no one would have known.
Second of all, because Felicia told on the other girls, the three of them turned on her and threatened her and that becomes what is considered bullying. There is a zero tolerance for bullying at the school so they are in serious trouble for that.
Now, all of that comes into play before I even get to the fact that she even thought to say the words “I’m going to kill myself.” Where does an eleven year old even come up with that as a solution to a problem. She actually wrote it down on a piece of paper, so she definitely had the thought.
We had a long talk about suicide in general last night. My ex husbands oldest brother committed suicide and I watched a large Catholic family fall apart over it. Later, after my ex remarried, his step son committed suicide and I saw how devastated he and his new wife were over that. Her son was 23 and had just finished college. It was truly sad. I explained both of these incidences to Felicia last night and she did not know about either. I also asked her to close her eyes for a moment and just try to imagine how she would feel if her sister killed herself and suddenly was no longer with us. She cried hard.
I told her that she was truly loved by so many people and that we would all be devastated if she were not with us. I said that she had to learn to come to me any time anything happened so that I could help her deal with it. I said there is NOTHING that we can’t take care of and that there would never be a reason for her to end her life or even think about ending her life over. I told her that I didn’t EVER want to hear those words come out of her mouth again. Of course there was more to this conversation than I am putting in here, but I think in the end, that she understood. Just to be sure, I had her write a letter about it when we were done. This is what she wrote (in her words and spelling).
I just now realised how awful life would be with out me for my friends and family. They would be sad a lot and my friends would be so sad they would not want to do any thing. I know now how awful killing your self would be. It is very bad if you kill your self at a young age because you would have lost your whole life that was ahead of you. I now know not to say or think of killing my self ever agin.
I am working with the school counselor to resolve this entire issue but my God! I am just so devastated that the whole thing happened in the first place. It is such a challenge to raise kids today. I can never remember thinking about killing myself over anything at that age and my children never had any issues like this at that age. Why would that kind of thought even enter that child’s head? I am just really curious to hear your feedback about this. I actually looked into home schooling options yesterday. This scares me.