People Are Who They Are!


I could use that word as is or change a letter in it and it would probably better describe what I’d like to scream about now. It’s 3:30 in the morning and I’m wide awake and feel really weird. I know Lauri said she felt “off” yesterday and I’ve been this way all evening. Is the moon full or something? My mind feels like I’m on some sort of weird drug or something but I’m straight as a board. I’ve had probably five major melt downs this evening over stupid stuff.

I hate to even tell anyone I did this, but at one point earlier, I had cut a watermelon in half and just stuck a spoon in it and took a big bite. It was sooo good and while chewing the first bite, I bit the hell out of my lower lip. It made me so mad that I slammed the spoon down hard in the middle of it and watermelon went everywhere, and I do mean everywhere. I screamed out loud and just had a major melt down filled with tears and everything. I don’t do things like that. I used to on an almost regular basis when I was young, but there is rarely a reason for it these days and I’ve spent years teaching myself anger management. There really isn’t a reason to do it tonight, it’s just this funk or whatever it is. Thank God I live alone and no one was here to have to deal with it besides me. It took me thirty minutes to clean the mess up.

I know someone is going to remind me about the comedian that did the watermelon thing (I forget his name) but trust me when I say, there was nothing funny about what I did. I grew up in and married into violence and this was a violent outburst and it bothers me severely that I went there at all, let alone four or five times in one evening. Maybe one melt down triggered the next or something, I don’t know.

I came here originally to be able to write about feelings and things that go on and hopefully get feedback on them. I try to stay positive for the most part, but I’ve also poured my heart out on more than one occasion. Tonight, I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I’m waiting for my head to start spinning around on my shoulders or something. So freaking weird! I hope tomorrow is better. That damned watermelon is going to the chicken pen come daylight!


6 responses

  1. Maybe it’s just hormones going havoc? (I guess full moon can do that to you?) I myself am not exactly an aggressive person, and rather avoid anything that would make me aggressive. But in recent days I was always changing between laughter, turning on the waterworks or wanting to slap people left and right. Can’t think of anything else but hormones …

    June 29, 2012 at 4:40 am

    • I just realized I didn’t answer any comments on this post and I apologize. I’m doing it now! I wish I thought it was hormones. I have none! lol Had my female insides ripped out years ago and don’t take hormone replacement anymore so….no hormones here. That part is kind of nice in ways. I was very aggressive when I was young and had hormones and having been in an aggressive family environment and marriage, it took me years to get out of it. I really did spend a great deal of time teaching myself anger management because I was angry as hell for years. I also “took things off my plate” so to speak in order to clear my life of anything that made me angry. My mean ex husband was the first thing to go on that venture. I just felt really weird. It’s passed though and I do feel much better.

      July 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm

  2. I just wonder what’s going on, because it seems to be a fairly common feeling the last few months. From sadness to downright rage.
    I have to make myself do my yoga breathing. Try to clear out the negative. The negative is pretty darn strong, but blast it, we are stronger.

    I keep wondering if we just hear too much information these days? Some so foul and sad and evil and we feel helpless to do anything about it.

    BUT…it IS a beautiful world. I often have to tune out things I don’t want to deal with or can’t deal with.

    Breathe deep. You will be ok. Actually sometimes screaming at the top of your lungs is an awesome thing. I do that in my car. 🙂
    With the windows rolled up. 😛

    June 29, 2012 at 10:35 am

    • Sorry I’m behind on commenting for this post. It was that weird thing going on! lol I do feel better. It only lasted a couple of days and it’s gone. Thank goodness.

      July 6, 2012 at 11:40 pm

  3. Gallagher …

    And I’d make an age related comment since you mentioned you AND LAURI having the same ‘problem’ … but I’m too much of a gentleman to do that …

    I’d also make some snarky comment like “Gee. no wonder you live alone” … but, again, I’m just too nice of a guy …


    Of course, considering I readily admit to screaming, throwing things, and just generally scaring the crap out of the cats and my wife on a regular basis, you would know that I’m only kidding.

    I get my frustrations out by writing drabble’s that have people doing awful things to other people or themselves. But throwing things is w-a-y better at stress relief. That and NOT changing a letter in certain words.

    (My sister got mad at something one time and threw the spoon down in a bowl of spaghetti sauce. There’s probably still a tomato sauce stain on the ceiling in that house…)

    June 29, 2012 at 3:08 pm

  4. I told Irony and Lauri that I missed answering anyone on this post, I guess because I was in such a funk for a couple of days. lol I know you are too much of gentleman to make such comments GOM. lol

    I do agree with you that throwing things and screaming does relieve a lot of stress. God knows, I’ve thrown a lot of things in my life and screamed till I couldn’t talk for a couple of days on more than one occasion. I got mad at my ex one night and picked up a long necked Bud bottle that was about three quarters of the way full and slung it across the room. I have, or had then, a good arm and I slung it so hard it went top end first into the wall like a bullet and stayed. It was buried almost half way into the wall. It missed his head by very little. I left it there and went to bed not thinking about the consequences. The next morning, most of the beer had drained out of it behind the wall and ran out into the kitchen floor. I had to smell beer, which I hate for a couple of days. Anyway, I’m still finding splatters of watermelon here and there and that’s really pissing me off. I know why Gallagher had so much success with smashing them for entertainment. They do splatter well! lol

    July 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

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