Sitting Back Quietly
Well, I know I've been quiet this week. I've been fighting being depressed and I've had a lot of work so that's been good for me. My daughter tried to call and text every day until a couple of days ago. I finally answered the phone and told her in a very stern voice that she had crossed the line and that there were no amount of phone calls and no amount of whining and crying that was going to fix it. I told her that she was a drug addict and that she was an adult and that she got herself into this mess and that she was going to have to get herself out. I told her I did not want to hear from her until she was straight and had been straight long enough to count for something. Is it the right thing to do? I have no idea. There isn't a book that I know of on how to be the mother of a 33 year old drug addict.
I have joined a writing group that I hope will help. Living alone with no one to talk to on a regular basis leaves me to want to write. Besides, who wants to talk about drug addiction if they aren't living with it themselves. Who wants to listen to a depressed mother whine about their drug addicted daughter. I wouldn't if the shoe were on the other foot. That's the nice thing about writing. You can write when you want to and people can read it or not.
I don't like needing sympathy. I want to be happy and that's what I'm striving for. I've been striving for it for a long time and was doing really good until this episode. I'll admit that I haven't made it through a day without crying yet, but I'll get there. I can play tough all I want to, but you're never tough when it comes to your children, especially when you know they are in pain and/or in danger, which she is in both. This is hard, staying away, not talking to her, not taking her calls. I hope I can stay tough and do this tough love thing. I'm just sitting back quietly and waiting now.
Ladywise's Blog 
Sounds right to me. Hang in there, we're all pulling for you.
June 24, 2010 at 10:23 am
You were probably a lot nicer than I would have been.
June 24, 2010 at 10:31 am
Is it the right thing to do?I think it is. I don't know if it was perfect for her, but I'm sure you did your best.Besides, who wants to talk about drug addiction if they aren't living
with it themselves. Who wants to listen to a depressed mother whine
about their drug addicted daughter.Are there no Narcotics Anonymous or NA-Anon groups where you are at? They would be the ones living similar experiences. If not, I'm sure there may be an online equivalent somewhere. I hope the writing group is a good support for you.
June 24, 2010 at 10:59 am
Maybe that's what she needed to hear, straight out? And hope you'll work it through the worst soon 😉
June 24, 2010 at 11:50 am
You did the right thing! It is called "Tough love!" That is the only way she will ever get the message. I know it is difficult for you and depressing as well. I am glad you joined the writing group! ((hugs))
June 24, 2010 at 1:14 pm
And pray pray pray – and rally your friends who are prayer warriors. You might consider inquiring of Focus on the Family for books or other kinds of help.
I'm sure it's not easy. My heart is with you.
Sharon
June 24, 2010 at 3:12 pm
I think it's wonderful that you have joined a writing group – I hope that helps a little.
June 24, 2010 at 7:25 pm
The writing group sounds like a good outlet for all sorts of things. As far as "THe right thing to do" If it is right for you, then it is the right thing to do. It is not easy, but continuing to support her in her mess will only reinforce that her mess is OK. I wish you the best with this….
July 8, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Thanks Katiebell, and I know you are right. It is still going on, it's not by any means over. After I stopped taking her phone calls she started texting. When I put a stop to that, she started emailing yesterday. So she is pushing hard to get me to accept an apology for it, which I have firmly told her that I am not looking for an apology. If she wants back in my life at this point, she has to get straight. There is no in between, or almost, or I''m trying. She has to get straight and have been straight for a while before I'm going to get over this. She pushed everyone else away a long time ago and I'm truly all that's left in the way of family, so this the bottom. I just pray that she doesn't cut her wrists because she has done that twice before while taking some sort of depressant. That's her drug of choice. This has been going on for many years. It's a long drawn out story. I could write a book about it believe me. But she goes from one drug to another and I've always just been the unconditionally loving mother and I'm trying to stop. This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do right now.
July 8, 2010 at 4:31 pm