Sitting Back Quietly
Well, I know I've been quiet this week. I've been fighting being depressed and I've had a lot of work so that's been good for me. My daughter tried to call and text every day until a couple of days ago. I finally answered the phone and told her in a very stern voice that she had crossed the line and that there were no amount of phone calls and no amount of whining and crying that was going to fix it. I told her that she was a drug addict and that she was an adult and that she got herself into this mess and that she was going to have to get herself out. I told her I did not want to hear from her until she was straight and had been straight long enough to count for something. Is it the right thing to do? I have no idea. There isn't a book that I know of on how to be the mother of a 33 year old drug addict.
I have joined a writing group that I hope will help. Living alone with no one to talk to on a regular basis leaves me to want to write. Besides, who wants to talk about drug addiction if they aren't living with it themselves. Who wants to listen to a depressed mother whine about their drug addicted daughter. I wouldn't if the shoe were on the other foot. That's the nice thing about writing. You can write when you want to and people can read it or not.
I don't like needing sympathy. I want to be happy and that's what I'm striving for. I've been striving for it for a long time and was doing really good until this episode. I'll admit that I haven't made it through a day without crying yet, but I'll get there. I can play tough all I want to, but you're never tough when it comes to your children, especially when you know they are in pain and/or in danger, which she is in both. This is hard, staying away, not talking to her, not taking her calls. I hope I can stay tough and do this tough love thing. I'm just sitting back quietly and waiting now.